Description
From Chapter 64, “Hiding,” of It’s Impossible by J H McIntosh — Act III: Trust and Letting Go.
In Belle's Hiding, we learn why she disappears: "If I stay where the feeling lives, I might want what your love gives." She must have been hurt in her past in a way that left a lasting scar. This songs is about a space where fear presides. It’s a quiet reflection on the delicate balance between wanting connection and the instinct to protect oneself from negative emotions. The song’s tone holds room for the complexity of feeling deeply without losing control, reminding us that stepping back isn’t rejection but a form of self-care. Sometimes loving means staying present in your own unique way.
Lyrics
When I leave it’s not because I don’t care,
I leave because I feel too much there.
I was laughing, I was really engaged,
A moment with no need to be brave.
I felt seen without being claimed,
I felt this doesn’t need to be named.
That’s why I go quiet, go into hiding,
Because the two sides of me start colliding.
If I stay where the feeling lives,
I might want what your love gives.
It’s not a choice I stop and make,
It’s the fear in me hitting the brakes.
When good gets too close to me,
I disappear, I won’t let them see.
That’s why I go quiet, go into hiding,
Because the two sides of me start colliding.
If I stay where the feeling lives,
I might want what your love gives.
You don’t chase me, you don’t demand,
You don’t reach out and grab my hand.
And somehow that’s what shakes me most,
How good it feels when you just stand close
I’m still here even when I’m gone,
Just holding myself till the fear moves on.
If I stayed and didn’t pull away,
I don’t know who I’d be the next day.
I’ve survived by keeping control,
By never handing over my whole.
That’s why I go quiet, go into hiding,
Because the two sides of me start colliding.
If I stay where the feeling lives,
I might want what your love gives.
I’m sure you can see
I don’t want anyone saving me
And when I vanish from view,
I’m not leaving love, I’m trying to.
I’m trying to love,
I’m trying to love,
I’m trying to love, trying love.
