Description
From Chapter 80, “Awakening,” of It’s Impossible by J H McIntosh — Act III: Trust and Letting Go.
This is Belle’s response to Aaron's Beholder. Her behavior was a calculated move to create distance between the two of them. Her growing affection for Aaron has caused a marked increase in her fear of being heart broken. Because of the depth of what she has come to feel for Aaron, she sees that if he disappoints her as the others have, she may not recover this time. This is Belle reasserting the self-protection that has served her well. It speaks to moments when we retreat behind emotional walls, not out of indifference, but from a fear of exposing what lies underneath.
Lyrics
I knew you felt the shift I made,
The colder words, the glance I stayed.
I felt your posture change its ground,
I heard the quiet hit the sound.
You look at me like I’m a sign,
Like luck stepped over some design.
I hate that look, I love it too,
Because it asks what I might do.
Pedestals crack beneath the weight,
They never hold up under fate.
You think I’m drifting, losing sight,
Chasing some new reflected light.
I wasn’t chasing someone new,
I was running hard from you.
Distraction’s just a safer game,
When walls call out my name.
You’re seeing past the practiced calm,
Past steady hands and polished charm.
You’re seeing what I hide inside,
And that’s the thing I won’t provide.
I wasn’t pushing you away,
I was trying hard to stay.
If I don’t hope, I don’t explain,
‘cause walls keep calling out my name.
And here’s the part that haunts my breath,
What if you stay past doubt and depth?
What if your love is what you claim,
Then walls I built need a new frame.
What if I had met your eyes,
I might have let the moment rise.
Then I might fall, might collapse,
Not survive another lapse.
So I push you back before you turn,
Before the truth gets time to burn.
It’s safer if I make you gone,
The name walls call me ain’t wrong.
Maybe love waits outside my door,
Patient just “to be”… asking no more.
But I won’t open, not just yet,
Belief’s a risk I’ll not bet,
Walls call my name.
