Description
From Chapter 84, “Holding Back,” of It’s Impossible by J H McIntosh — Act III: Trust and Letting Go.
"Some loves arrive already whole, and ask too much of a fractured soul." This song offers a gentle reflection on the tender complexity of love that asks more than one feels ready to give. It speaks softly to anyone who has felt the quiet hesitation of opening up fully, the fear intertwined with hope when love arrives unexpectedly. Its warmth lies in acknowledging vulnerability without judgment, inviting listeners to hold space for their own pace and feelings. Listening to this song feels like a compassionate embrace, reminding us that love’s grace often appears in the moments we least expect.
Lyrics
You love like weather I can’t outrun,
Like rising tides, like burning sun.
It’s beautiful, fierce, and terrifying too,
Because I don’t know what to do with you.
I feel it coming, I feel the crack,
And still I keep on holding back.
Your love feels bigger than my skin,
Like something I can’t hold within.
I know how to be wanted fast,
Not loved in ways that last and last.
Some loves arrive already whole,
And ask too much of a fractured soul.
You stand there steady, you don’t attack,
That makes it harder to keep holding back.
I know desire, I know the track,
I know the art of holding back.
Your fire asks for all of me,
And that’s the part that frightens me.
I know desire, I know the chase,
I know the heat of a borrowed place.
I know the art of stepping away,
Before the heart has too much to say.
Some love feels safe because it’s small,
While some love feels like it wants it all.
Your fire reaches where I’m cracked,
And I survive by holding back.
You don’t just want the night to pass,
You want the girl beneath the mask.
I hear your love, I feel the lack,
But I’m still holding, holding back.
There’s another, not you, one whose easy ground,
No vows, no depths to measure down.
He wants the night, not what I am,
And I can give that on demand.
Holding back, holding back,
It’s not your love I know I lack.
Holding back, holding back,
It’s how I’ve kept my heart intact.
That other guy doesn’t ask me to be seen,
Doesn’t touch the in-between.
He doesn’t reach where I lose track,
No need to put effort into holding back
Maybe love like yours ,
When someone’s least prepared to try.
Like grace that finds you on the floor,
When you don’t think you’re worthy anymore.
Maybe that’s why I turn away,
Maybe that’s why I cannot stay.
Not because your love’s off track,
But because I’m scared to stop holding back.
You call it love, you call it trust,
But I’m holding back because I must.
You don’t just want my heart or touch,
You want the parts that cost too much.
You’d build a life, you’d give it all,
But what if I’m too weak to fall?
What if your “yes” becomes my shame,
When my holding back remains the same?
You smiled when I said someone new,
Said, “I hope he’s always good to you.”
It almost broke me standing there,
Because it made me feel unfair.
Your patience looks like something pure,
Like something I can’t yet endure.
You let me leave, you don’t look back,
And still I’m the one holding back.
I know desire, I know the track,
I know the art of holding back.
Your fire asks for all of me,
And that’s the part that frightens me.
You don’t just want the skin I show,
You want the soul I barely know.
I hear your love, I feel the lack,
But I’m still holding, holding back.
I know desire, I know chase,
I don’t know how to take this grace.
So I stay where the answers don’t ask,
Where love doesn’t see beneath the mask.
Not because your love’s untrue,
Not because I don’t feel you.
Not because your heart’s off track,
But because holding back is what I do.
Holding back, holding back,
It’s how I breathe when love gets too close.
Holding back, holding back,
It’s not your love I fear the most.
Holding back, holding back,
Not because your love’s untrue.
Holding back, holding back,
Because holding back is what I do.
